Category: Coaching

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The Art of Reframing Negative Situations

Ah, Self-talk – the inner soundtrack of your mind.  Sadly, the majority of people have a negative self-talk track that plays over and over in their head. And interestingly, what most of those people say to themselves they would never dream of saying to someone else! Negative self-talk is so harmful and useless! It’s a dream stealer and a liar! Consider the following 7 situations and see how negative self-talk compares to positive self-talk.

It’s the afternoon, your mind isn’t moving as fast and it’s harder to focus:

Negative self talk: “Here comes my afternoon blahs. I’m not going to get anything done now.“ Positive self talk: “I feel the afternoon drowsiness coming, time to take a break and clear my head.” Bonus tip – that drowsiness is often dehydration … drink a large glass of water and see how you feel. It works like magic as a pick me up.

A client emails you with corrections for a project you sent in the day before:

Negative self talk: “Oh no – she must think I’m an idiot.” Positive self talk: “Great, I can fix these up and get them back to her in no time.”

You realize you forgot to put clothes in the dryer last night:

Negative self talk: “What is the matter with me? Why can’t I do anything right? I have nothing to wear!” Positive self talk: “Oh well. Now I have an excuse to wear a nice dress to run my errands.

Your mother gives you a backhanded compliment on your new hairdo with her usual criticism chaser: 

Negative self talk: “Nothing is ever good enough for her – I’m such a disappointment, why bother anymore?” Positive self talk: “As usual, ma can’t be pleased – oh well – I like it!”

You find out a group of friends got together for coffee and you weren’t invited:

Negative self talk: “They must not like me. I wonder what I did to make them cross with me?” Positive self talk: “Bet they had a nice time. I’m going to remind them to call me next time they meet up.”

You have worked really hard exercising regularly and eating healthy daily. You weigh in only to find the scale shows again:

Negative self talk: “What’s the point, why do I even bother exercising and eating healthy? Clearly, it’s not working because I gained instead of lost.“ Positive self talk: “The scale might not show a loss but I feel great, my clothes are getting looser, I have more energy, and like being active and all the nutritious healthy food I’m feeding my body.  And, if I have gained muscle and lost fat that would account for it.”

You spent hours & lots of time & energy creating and putting together a new product for your market. The launch is a flop and you only sold one.

Negative self talk: “I knew it – I’m a failure at this. Nothing I do is working. I might as well throw in the towel.” Positive self talk: “Well that’s interesting! … I have learnt a lot…I put a product together and released it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and did it. So what only one person bought it so far? That just means I need to market it more. Maybe I can get some people to help me promote it? I can make this work!” Now that you’ve looked at these 7 examples, what did the negative self-talk do? Did it make you feel worse and down and just blah? That’s what happens. Negativity breeds negativity and most important to remember, negative talk is not truth talking. When you looked at the positive self-talk for each situation, didn’t it make you feel empowered, happy and better about yourself? That’s the point! It’s crucial to our health (and sanity!) that we begin to practice a positive self-talk track and replace the negative one. It’s not always easy to do but every time you catch yourself playing the negative track, stop and switch to a positive one instead. Do you catch yourself doing the negative self-talk? And what do you do about it? Leave a comment below, I’d love to know!
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How to deal with failure – Falling Forward

Failing Forward

Have you ever wondered why everyone faces failure but some people let it stop them in their tracks and others let it propel them forward?  It’s all about mindset and how each individual thinks and reacts to failure that makes all the difference. Here are three tips for surviving failure and learning to fail forward. 

1. Learn from mistakes.

Human nature makes us want to hide in embarrassment if we mess up and make mistakes. Instead of doing that, view mistakes as a stepping stone. There’s always growth to be made from a mistake(s)!

For example, let’s say you’re an online business owner and have just released a new information product. You thought the sales would come in quicker and that there would be more than there were.  You made the mistake of not setting up a sales page and instead just wrote a quick blog post about it with a buy now button.  So you know what the mistake was, it’s a matter of fixing that and learning that it’s a good idea to always have a sales page for every product you create.  It’s all about testing and tweaking! 

Let’s look at another example: say you’re a service provider and have taken on too much work. You’ve made a mistake and missed a deadline. Instead of being embarrassed and ashamed about the mistake, learn from it. You now know you can’t take too much on because you’re only one person and there are only so many hours in the day. This mistake can also be a great teacher of integrity and responsibility – you need to do the right thing, fess up, own it,  and be honest with the client you missed the deadline with. 

The best things about mistakes, aside from them being an opportunity for growth, is that once you’ve done it once you know what not to do again 😉

2. Let go of what didn’t work.

Face it, not everything you try is going to work. That’s okay! It doesn’t have to be a stumbling block. Instead, you have to learn to just let it go and move on. It’s not always easy to do this but once you learn how to do it and practice doing it regularly, it’ll be easier and more natural for you. There’s a lot more that can be said about this, but we’ll keep it simple and leave it at this.

3. Don’t beat yourself up.

The negative self-talk doesn’t do you any good. What’s the point of continuously feeding money to the butt-kicking machine so you can keep beating yourself up? Is it helping you move on from the failure or disappointment? No. Instead, you’re spending valuable energy and time focusing on the failure and now you’ve probably escalated it into ‘oh well I’m a failure at everything’ or ‘I can’t do anything right’.  Stop! You know as well as I do that that’s not true. You’ve had your pity party, now it’s time to stop beating yourself up and move along!  Instead of beating yourself up, look at the positives of the situation – what you learned, the mistake(s) you don’t have to make again because it’s out of the way now, etc.

Just remember – failure is something that is going to happen, it can’t be avoided. But it’s up to you to choose how you respond – give up or keep going? These three tips can help you keep your momentum going and not let failure or disappointment stop you in your tracks, but instead help you fail forward! 

And now I’ll leave you with this quote to think about:

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley

Leave a comment below.

If you feel like the joy has been sucked out of your life and want some clarity on how you can get it back, contact me.

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Conquering Negative Self Talk – Build your self esteem

Conquering Negative Self Talk

Low self-esteem can cause negative self-talk. This can further lower your self-esteem causing a vicious cycle where you continually feel bad about yourself. The good news is that you can change the way you talk to and about yourself. When you conquer negative self-talk, your self-esteem will improve. You’ll gain more self-confidence and you’ll feel more optimistic about your life in general.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of negativity, you need to understand these essential truths.

Actions follow thoughts, so your thoughts are important.

Your actions always begin with your thoughts. If you think that you’re destined to be overweight, then it doesn’t matter how many diet books you buy or how many nutritionists you talk to, you’re still going to be overweight. You’ll stay overweight because you haven’t changed your mindset. You’ve identified the thought that you are that and so you are.

If you want to change your life, you have to change your thoughts first. Instead of thinking that you’re destined to be overweight, flip the script. Say to yourself, ‘I am in control of what I eat and how much I eat’. Instead of thinking you’re over 50 and therefore too old to make changes or have a chance of being fit, say to yourself. ’I can be fit and healthy at my age’ and then – find proof! Doing this changes the story you’re telling yourself. You just went from the victim in this story to the victor. Finding proof, means looking for evidence that it is possible to have what you want. For instance, find examples of women who have amazing fitness for their age. Older athletes or ‘ordinary’ women who have decided that they can do it! If they can do it, so can you!

You don’t have to be carried away by negative thoughts.

You are the only one with the power to change your mental soundtrack. Just because you have a negative thought doesn’t mean you have to listen to it, or, even more importantly, believe it. You have the power to change your focus. Instead of concentrating on the terrible day you had, start thinking about a simple pleasure you’re anticipating like getting to change into your warm pyjamas tonight or hearing your grandsons laughter during a silly bedtime game. By focusing on the positive, you’re teaching yourself to let go of negative thoughts.

Garbage In = Garbage Out

It’s hard to stay positive if you’re constantly consuming negative information. If you really want to change your negative self-talk, then you have to focus on consuming good stuff. You want to read and watch content that lifts you up. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll also notice that your self-talk is more optimistic when you focus on the good.

Practice positive affirmations.

What you say about yourself becomes your truth. That’s why it can be helpful to practice positive affirmations every day. Start by looking in the mirror and telling yourself, ‘Today, I choose to be happy’ or ‘Today, I choose to fully accept myself’. When you speak these thoughts out loud, they’ll begin to affect how you talk to yourself and how you live your life.

Everyone struggles with negative self-talk at some point in their life. The important thing is not to beat yourself up when you realise your thoughts are negative. Accept that you had a negative thought and replace it with a positive one.

Did you know … writing down 3 things you are grateful for, every day for 21 days can change your negative mindset to a positive one?     

Wow!

If you want more inspiration to Conquer negative self-talk, download the free workbook. HERE

Leave a comment below.

If you feel like the joy has been sucked out of your life and want some clarity on how you can get it back, contact me.

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Roadblocks that stop you believing in yourself.

 

Roadblocks to Believing In Yourself

Believing in yourself is often touted as the cause of success. But if you have low self-esteem, it’s not easy to believe in yourself. You may struggle to step outside of your comfort zone and look for a way to make your life better. You may believe that you don’t have the means to better yourself or that you don’t deserve a better life.

You can change your life and it starts with believing in yourself. But first you have to identify what’s holding you back. Here are three common self-esteem killers that can keep you from living out your true potential.

Comparison

Do you look around and feel like everyone else has got it together in life but you? This is a common feeling, especially in our digital age. Maybe you have a friend on Pinterest who always seems to have a clean house. But you don’t see what her house looks like when the kids have the flu and there hasn’t been time to do any laundry. It’s oh so easy to get sucked into comparison-itis!

Seeing your friend’s good days can leave you feeling like you’re a failure because your house doesn’t look clean all the time like your friend’s house is. When you’re on social media, you’re constantly exposed to the best side of someone’s life. You rarely see the ugly parts, too. It’s important to remember this when you’re scrolling through your news feed.

Past Situations

The past often shapes us and affects us far more than we realize. Negative situations in your past can make it hard for you to believe in yourself. Maybe you were in a toxic relationship with a partner who verbally abused you. Maybe you grew up with an alcoholic parent or maybe you were bullied in middle school.

Your past can be the biggest threat to your present if you don’t take action. It keeps you stuck, and often reverting to the way you coped at the age it happened. Not very pretty sometimes!

It can take a toll on your self-esteem and crush your sense of confidence. If you’ve been in a bad situation in the past, you’ll need to re-train your thought process. You may need the help of a therapist or life coach like me, to help you deal with painful situations from your past that are keeping you stuck, because in most cases, we don’t even realize that our past is affecting our day to day actions.

Current Relationships

Are there current relationships with a dynamic that keeps you questioning yourself? Sometimes, other people can undermine your sense of self-esteem. They may do it subtly by making unkind remarks and dismissing these remarks as jokes. They may discourage you from taking action a project you were really excited about. They may tell you that you’re not good enough to reach your goals.

Few things are more painful than a friend or loved one that is unkind and unsupportive. If possible, try to have a conversation with this person about their behavior. In a healthy relationship, there’s room on both sides for honesty.

But if your loved one or friend still won’t be supportive, you should consider limiting how often you interact with them. If you do have to be around this person for some reason, try to have a nurturing activity planned for yourself later after your interaction.

Just like you can switch your iPod to a different song, you can change your thoughts about yourself from negative to positive. It takes a lot of work and it doesn’t happen immediately. But as you begin to focus on your positive qualities, you’ll experience a boost in your self-esteem and find it easier to believe in yourself.

If that seems too complicated, remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

To help you examine this and to move you in a forward direction I have a FREE resource for you just below.

 

Which roadblocks are holding you back?

Grab a copy of the bonus workbook to find out.

Workbook – download HERE

… and watch out for the other posts in this series that accompany the workbook. 

Leave a comment below.

 

If you feel like the joy has been sucked out of your life and want some clarity on how you can get it back, contact me.

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Start by knowing what you want in 2019

Start by Knowing What You Want

When it comes to choosing a theme for the upcoming year, you can start by thinking about what you want more of. If you’re not sure, consider these questions about the different areas of your life.

To really dig deep, rate yourself in each and decide where you’d like to see growth. Then ask yourself, “What do I want to create in these areas? What do I want to see more of? What do I want to see less of?”

Family and Friends

Are you happy in your relationships? Are you spending enough time with the people you love? Are you regularly speaking the love languages of those you care about? How would you rate your relationships overall?

Your Career

Are you on the path toward where you want to be? Does your career align with your values? For example, if you value being home and raising little ones then a career on the fast-track that has you constantly traveling isn’t going to be the best alignment. How would you rate your career overall?

Health

Do you wake up each morning energized and ready to go or do you feel sluggish, tired, and unmotivated? Are you making time to move your body each day and prepare nourishing meals? Have you sought out experts like a doctor or chiropractor for any health issues that you’re experiencing? How would you rate your health overall?

Spirituality and Faith

What kind of energy are you creating in your life and in your relationships? Do you feel at peace with the universe? Do you anticipate good things happening to you and for you? How are you living out the values of your spirituality in your day-to-day life? How would you rate your spirituality or faith overall?

Wealth

Are you financially stable or are you living paycheck to paycheck? Do you have a monthly budget that makes you feel confident about where your money is going? Do you have a savings plan in place for things like retirement and college? How would you rate your wealth overall?

Achievement

What do you want to achieve? Are there goals on your achievement list that you’ve realized aren’t important or don’t belong there? What are some new achievements you’d like to add to the list? How would you rate your current level of achievements overall?

Fun

What activities do you consider fun? Are you prioritizing them? Are you regularly taking time away for fulfilling activities that energize you? How would you rank your fun experiences overall?

Ideally, you want to rank your satisfaction with these areas of your life on a scale of 1-10. There’s no right or wrong answer—if it feels like a 5 to you, then it is. If an area scores low, ask yourself why and consider what you need to change in your life.

 Transform your life with one simple word.

Find out how when you download your free workbook!

Let me know what you choose … I love hearing what works for people.

Leave a comment below.

and,

If you feel like the joy has been sucked out of your life and want some clarity on how you can get it back, contact me.