Is It Your Environment that Needs to Change?
Low self-esteem and a lack of confidence can be caused by a number of things. Many people think that to fix low self-esteem, you have to look inside yourself. While it’s true that there are internal things that cause low self-esteem, there are also external factors that can contribute to low self-esteem.
Instead of looking inside for all the reasons you’re not more confident or successful, let’s look at the space you live in. Ask yourself these questions and spend some time thinking about your answers.
Are You Playing Small?
Sometimes we feel small because we’re living small. This doesn’t mean that you have to drop everything and go backpacking through Europe right now or that every moment of your life has to be an epic adventure.
But for many people with low self-esteem, it’s easy to get into a rut. You start believing that you can’t do better and so you stop trying. You create a self-fulfilling prophecy without realizing it. Look at your life right now. What limitations have you accepted without challenging them? What areas of your life have you accepted as “good enough”?
Is it time to update your wardrobe, or throw out the stuff that doesn’t fit well or that doesn’t make you feel good? Do you have a load of mismatched socks that could be replaced? You deserve more … you deserve better, even if it’s just some new socks!
Are You Encouraged and Uplifted by Your Friends and Family?
We are deeply influenced by the people we spend time with. This can be a good thing if you’re spending time with positive people. But if your friends and family are unkind or negative, that same attitude can rub off on you.
Ask yourself how you’d feel if you didn’t speak to a certain friend or family member for a week. Would you feel relieved at the thought of missing Aunt Sylvia’s rants about the job she hates? Would you feel sad if you missed that call from your sister who helps you see the best in the world?
If there’s someone negative in your life, you don’t have to cut them out completely. But do look for ways to limit your time together and don’t be afraid to change the topic of conversation if things take a negative turn.
You don’t have to pick up the phone every time it rings, especially if it’s someone who abuses the relationship you have by constantly interrupting your life to tell you all about theirs. It’s not that you have to be an awful friend or relative, but you could be a little less available for people who bring you down rather than build you up. Answer the phone to people for your convenience, not theirs.
Are You Pursuing New Experiences?
Often a lack of confidence and self-esteem can be caused by becoming too comfortable. You do the same things, in the same way, every single day. You don’t change things about. You don’t challenge yourself to experience new things and you don’t go beyond what’s safe and comfortable. This can cause you to stop growing as a person. It can also make your world seem smaller and contracted. A life lived in black and white rather than full colour!
When you go outside your normal routine and look for new experience, you open yourself up. You discover new ways to do things. You find solutions that you wouldn’t have come up with any other way. You learn more about yourself and the world around you.
You can find new experiences into your life just by looking for opportunities outside of your comfort zone. Try a different type of cuisine. Drive a different route to work. Volunteer at an organization that you wouldn’t typically support. Take a weekend road trip and see where you end up. If I have time, I often drive around a new area of town, a new housing development or go through a village I don’t normally drive through, just to see something different or to learn a different route or area.
Do you exercise?
It’s really important to move your body. Nowadays it’s easy to get stuck in a routine that has you sitting far longer than is healthy. Are you a member of a gym or club? Do you exercise at home with DVDs? Can you walk up escalators or use the stairs more?
Whatever your level of fitness, you can mix it about and change your habits, and little changes and challenges, nothing overwhelming, can really change the feelings you have about yourself and your body.
Exercise is one of the best ways to release stress from your body and that is a necessity for most of us. A small amount of exercise can change your brain when it comes to relieving stress and is so much better than reaching for alternative ways to self soothe. You know what I mean!… too many glasses of wine, snacks in front of the TV or cigarettes. Make some tweaks … you will begin to feel better about yourself and take on a new attitude to everything around you, and who knows where it might lead.
Your environment shapes your self-confidence, so don’t be afraid to look around at your life and make some changes. Surround yourself with people and experiences that build up your self-esteem and make you happy.
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If you feel like the joy has been sucked out of your life and want some clarity on how you can get it back, contact me.