I lost something dear to me last week.
It was a building.
But to me it was so much more than a building.
My grandfather built it in the early 1930’s . It was a two story restaurant and bakery that at capacity could seat over 600 people and at busy times, had another 100 or so people queueing outside waiting for a table.
My mother was seating this queue when she went into labor 6 weeks early – so I can literally say, I was practically born in this place.
When someone posted this picture on Facbook last week, it brought tears to my eyes.
Its demolition was begun.
I past it often and was not sure if I dare drive past.
I contacted a friend, someone I have known since we were 4 years old.
She has plenty of memories about the place too!
“I have so many happy memories of you and I playing upstairs in the flat with your fabulous dolls house and other wonderful toys. When I think of Cordy’s so many memories come flooding back; the smell your grandad’s cigars, his treasured history books, your grandma’s magnificent silver, the huge dining room, the lovely thick carpets and the panoramic sea views. The building maybe no more but our memories and shared history will live on.
So many people have such happy memories of Cordy’s but ours are extra special; I can see us in our 1960s party dresses, bobbles in our hair, white lacy ankle socks and black patent shoes. Then we had those lovely woollen dresses with pompom balls! I can remember us playing in the upstairs restaurant when it was closed and your nana wondering what we were up to; I seem to remember us checking out the ladies toilets haha goodness only knows why we would be so interested in going in there. Can you remember this?
Indeed I can, and so many more!
My grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, staff, customers, visiting relatives and friends could all be found there.
Going through the big rotating doors meant I was safe and never alone – never hungry either!
My grandparents lived in the flat above and I spent so much time there that I listed it as my address if anyone asked.
I realize that it was more than just a building.
It was my safe place, my castle, my playground.
So, as I mourn the loss of this huge part of my life and relive the memories, smells and sounds of it, I am reminded that every woman feels losses of some sort at this time in their life.
- Parents
- Children
- Jobs
- Marriages
- Death of friends
- Financial loss
- Downsizing
- Health
- and more
Yes. Structure feels good
and so do structures,
as it’s part of feeling safe and grounded.
Loss is neither of those things.
It makes us feel anxious and confused as we calibrate to a different normal.
There can be a feeling of despondency and a looming sadness unless we do something different.
More than ever at this time, we need to keep adding things in, being creative and not smalling our minds down.
We must move up the spiral of life and not down.
We must understand ourselves fully and focus forward.
I don’t want to shrink to fit societies expectations of what someone my age should do, and neither should you!
My buddy reminded me that we must remember and learn from the past in a positive way but live in the moment and embrace and absorb new opportunities.
There must be new dreams to dream and creative projects on the go.
Retrain your thoughts, focus anew on opportunities, be curious and willing to learn and at least listen to another point of view.
Don’t neglect relationships, be open to discovering how to communicate and how to let go of ‘stuff’, those little niggles and hurts.
Forgive others, but mostly forgive yourself.
And maybe, let go of the things that are not worth your time, energy and effort.
It takes time to recalibrate and I don’t say it’s easy, but I do know that it’s worth the effort.
But this is a reminder for me, that as I live my life at the midpoint, my work calls me to help others who are doing the same.
- The world really needs people who are grounded.
- People who have wisdom and experience.
- People who have an optimistic forward focus with experience of hindsight.
- Our young people need wise elders.
- Our world needs people who see where light is needed and are willing to offer it.
Grief and loss … it’s one of those things you can’t go round, you have to go through.
Stay steady, be willing to feel into it, be willing to work through it, and you will find diamonds on your path.
I wish you well as we join each other on this path.
Stay a while and chat …
Cheerybye for now!
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If you feel like the joy has been sucked out of your life and want some clarity on how you can get it back, contact me.