falling forward | Jocelyne Kelsey Leach

Ah, Self-talk – the inner soundtrack of your mind. Sadly, the majority of people have a negative self-talk track that plays over and over in their head. And interestingly, what most of those people say to themselves they would never dream of saying to someone else! Negative self-talk is so harmful and useless! It’s a dream stealer and a liar! Consider the following 7 situations and see how negative self-talk compares to positive self-talk.

It’s the afternoon, your mind isn’t moving as fast and it’s harder to focus:

Negative self talk: “Here comes my afternoon blahs. I’m not going to get anything done now.“ Positive self talk: “I feel the afternoon drowsiness coming, time to take a break and clear my head.” Bonus tip – that drowsiness is often dehydration … drink a large glass of water and see how you feel. It works like magic as a pick me up.

A client emails you with corrections for a project you sent in the day before:

Negative self talk: “Oh no – she must think I’m an idiot.” Positive self talk: “Great, I can fix these up and get them back to her in no time.”

You realize you forgot to put clothes in the dryer last night:

Negative self talk: “What is the matter with me? Why can’t I do anything right? I have nothing to wear!” Positive self talk: “Oh well. Now I have an excuse to wear a nice dress to run my errands.

Your mother gives you a backhanded compliment on your new hairdo with her usual criticism chaser:

Negative self talk: “Nothing is ever good enough for her – I’m such a disappointment, why bother anymore?” Positive self talk: “As usual, ma can’t be pleased – oh well – I like it!”

You find out a group of friends got together for coffee and you weren’t invited:

Negative self talk: “They must not like me. I wonder what I did to make them cross with me?” Positive self talk: “Bet they had a nice time. I’m going to remind them to call me next time they meet up.”

You have worked really hard exercising regularly and eating healthy daily. You weigh in only to find the scale shows again:

Negative self talk: “What’s the point, why do I even bother exercising and eating healthy? Clearly, it’s not working because I gained instead of lost.“ Positive self talk: “The scale might not show a loss but I feel great, my clothes are getting looser, I have more energy, and like being active and all the nutritious healthy food I’m feeding my body. And, if I have gained muscle and lost fat that would account for it.”

You spent hours & lots of time & energy creating and putting together a new product for your market. The launch is a flop and you only sold one.

Negative self talk: “I knew it – I’m a failure at this. Nothing I do is working. I might as well throw in the towel.” Positive self talk: “Well that’s interesting! … I have learnt a lot…I put a product together and released it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and did it. So what only one person bought it so far? That just means I need to market it more. Maybe I can get some people to help me promote it? I can make this work!” Now that you’ve looked at these 7 examples, what did the negative self-talk do? Did it make you feel worse and down and just blah? That’s what happens. Negativity breeds negativity and most important to remember, negative talk is not truth talking. When you looked at the positive self-talk for each situation, didn’t it make you feel empowered, happy and better about yourself? That’s the point! It’s crucial to our health (and sanity!) that we begin to practice a positive self-talk track and replace the negative one. It’s not always easy to do but every time you catch yourself playing the negative track, stop and switch to a positive one instead. Do you catch yourself doing the negative self-talk? And what do you do about it? Leave a comment below, I’d love to know!

Failing Forward

Have you ever wondered why everyone faces failure but some people let it stop them in their tracks and others let it propel them forward? It’s all about mindset and how each individual thinks and reacts to failure that makes all the difference. Here are three tips for surviving failure and learning to fail forward.

1. Learn from mistakes.

Human nature makes us want to hide in embarrassment if we mess up and make mistakes. Instead of doing that, view mistakes as a stepping stone. There’s always growth to be made from a mistake(s)!

For example, let’s say you’re an online business owner and have just released a new information product. You thought the sales would come in quicker and that there would be more than there were. You made the mistake of not setting up a sales page and instead just wrote a quick blog post about it with a buy now button. So you know what the mistake was, it’s a matter of fixing that and learning that it’s a good idea to always have a sales page for every product you create. It’s all about testing and tweaking!

Let’s look at another example: say you’re a service provider and have taken on too much work. You’ve made a mistake and missed a deadline. Instead of being embarrassed and ashamed about the mistake, learn from it. You now know you can’t take too much on because you’re only one person and there are only so many hours in the day. This mistake can also be a great teacher of integrity and responsibility – you need to do the right thing, fess up, own it, and be honest with the client you missed the deadline with.

The best things about mistakes, aside from them being an opportunity for growth, is that once you’ve done it once you know what not to do again 😉

2. Let go of what didn’t work.

Face it, not everything you try is going to work. That’s okay! It doesn’t have to be a stumbling block. Instead, you have to learn to just let it go and move on. It’s not always easy to do this but once you learn how to do it and practice doing it regularly, it’ll be easier and more natural for you. There’s a lot more that can be said about this, but we’ll keep it simple and leave it at this.

3. Don’t beat yourself up.

The negative self-talk doesn’t do you any good. What’s the point of continuously feeding money to the butt-kicking machine so you can keep beating yourself up? Is it helping you move on from the failure or disappointment? No. Instead, you’re spending valuable energy and time focusing on the failure and now you’ve probably escalated it into ‘oh well I’m a failure at everything’ or ‘I can’t do anything right’. Stop! You know as well as I do that that’s not true. You’ve had your pity party, now it’s time to stop beating yourself up and move along! Instead of beating yourself up, look at the positives of the situation – what you learned, the mistake(s) you don’t have to make again because it’s out of the way now, etc.

Just remember – failure is something that is going to happen, it can’t be avoided. But it’s up to you to choose how you respond – give up or keep going? These three tips can help you keep your momentum going and not let failure or disappointment stop you in your tracks, but instead help you fail forward!

And now I’ll leave you with this quote to think about:

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley

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